i am a wallflower

Over the holidays, it's common to go to several different events, whether with family or with friends. I love it, but this year I've finally come to the conclusion that I much more enjoy smaller get-togethers than big parties.

With bigger crowds, I tend to blend into the wood-work a little more than usual. I find it hard to concentrate on one conversation or even to have one at all. I find I'm overwhelmed a little bit by the amount of people and miss the intimacy of a small group. Big parties are too loud, but I also find myself in awkward conversations with people that I don't really want to be talking to in the first place.

And then there's that awkward-ness I feel with big crowds, especially those containing people I'm not as familiar with. I want to be sociable - and I am a sociable person - but I find my conversational skills lacking big time.

At my family Christmas party, I watched my brother as he just talked to everyone about anything and was able to carry on an interesting conversation. I always say the same things: "I'm in my last year at university," "Yes, married life it great," "I read a lot for school." Bo-oring.

I'd really like to work on my conversational skills, especially with people that I tend not to feel as comfortable with. I want to be interesting and witty. I know I am those things - but only with certain people.

I wish I wasn't such a wallflower.