urbanBasement

Drool.

2010-04-09T02:57:00.001-07:00

Some things I've come across lately that make me drool.
How cute is this t-shirt?!
Every photographer should have a camera charm necklace. Anyone want to buy me one?

... sorry I just had to mop up the giant puddle of drool... mini diana with flash. I want.

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. Creativity at it's finest. Threadless.com. Best. T-shirts. Ever.

Things I Love Thursday!

2009-08-20T08:08:00.000-07:00

Pretty Little Thieves illustrations. I love the quirky drawings!

Poloroids. I really wish I had a Poloroid camera of my own. The effect the camera has on an image is beautiful. [photo by Smile and Wave]

by john w golden
by irene suchocki

I love typewriters. I don't have a typewriter, but I love them. I've noticed a lot of them in illustrations and photography lately...

by Michele Maule

by yvetteinuf io

These bookplates are adorable by boygirlparty. There are a few other bookplates with other illustrations on them available on her website and at her etsy store.
These vinyl wall decals are so cute! I want to get some for our flat!! They're by sixunderatree.

I found this etsy shop last year and fell in love with it! It's called getfeltup! So clever. I love this necklace. There are others with different colours in the shop. So cute!

I've been a long-time admirer of blockpartypress. Her work with metals is incredible and the final product is always beautiful and adorable! I mean, look at that necklace!

Happy Bokeh Wednesday

2009-08-19T05:39:00.000-07:00

Flickr has a group called "Happy Bokeh Wednesday" where people post photos featuring beautiful bokeh... on Wednesdays. Bokeh refers to the elements in a photo which are out of focus. It could be smooth and soft, or they could be those little out-of-focus circles you see in the background sometimes. I find it really beautiful and it adds interest to photos.

This is an older photo. I took it while Jeremy and I were in Montreal last year. I edited the colouring slighting, but not much else.

I've been posting to our travel blog lately, so I haven't really been keeping up with posts here. I'll try to keep up a bit with non-travel related content :)

Have a great Hump Day! :D

Suitcases and the Beach

2009-08-02T18:07:00.001-07:00

I decided to put something on my suitcases to help distinguish them from all the others in luggage claim. I did some doodles in my sketchbook and finally decided on these:
Cute, eh? I've got some luggage tags with Canadian flags on them too - gotta stay true to my roots. haha

Went to the beach on Saturday. It was gorgeous. Got some sun and some good shots in.

.Llamas for Sale.

2009-07-09T16:18:00.000-07:00

Jeremy and I went to the cottage for our anniversary (third wedding anniversary, TEN years together!) and we went out for dinner at Deerhurst Resort. We passed the Nordic Inn on the way and apparently they are selling their llamas! And canoes. So if you're in the market for llamas and canoes, you know where to go.

Handmade Postcards

2009-07-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

I made some postcards for some friends at camp. I love finding neat postcards to use, but sometimes I just like to make my own.

Some Spring Photos

2009-07-01T17:49:00.000-07:00

More James

2009-07-01T17:27:00.000-07:00

"Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life." James 1:12 The Message

I love that: "the reward is life... and more life."

James

2009-06-30T13:32:00.000-07:00

"Consider is a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges comes at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colours." James 1b-3 The Message

If you're anything like me, you don't consider it a "sheer gift" or "pure joy," as the NIV says, when we are tested and challenged. To be quite honest, I consider challenges to be a personal attack, not a means of strengthening my faith. This year has held many difficulties, namely those having to do with preparing to move overseas. I didn't realize how much paperwork had to be done (and how many problems could come of all that paperwork!). I was faced with a lot of challenges when trying to figure out all the little details of everything, and quite frankly, my faith was strained. I broke down on a few occasions, convinced that I wouldn't be able to go to Scotland for school. I never looked to God and asked for His help. And when things worked out, I never even considered to take the time to thank Him. This has definitely not been the year of flourishing faith, but I'm hoping to change that.

I think I'll start with a "thank you."

Overheard

2008-12-23T08:47:00.000-08:00

I can hear kids outside my window playing in the snow and chatting away. Here are some of the gems I overheard:

Kid 1: "I never believed in Santa!"
Kid 2: "I did! And I don't care who knows it!"
________

Kid 1: "My middle name is Anthony and I hate it. People call me Pepperoni."
Kid 2: "At least you like Pepperoni."
________

My First Baby Shoot

2008-12-22T07:56:00.000-08:00

I had the wonderful privilege of photographing my brand new niece on Saturday. "R" is perfect and I instantly fell in love with her the day I met her at the hospital when she was born. She will be a month old this coming Friday.

On Saturday we had a great time laughing and dressing up R in cute outfits and putting her in gift boxes. She didn't really like the idea of sitting in a gift box, so she in and out pretty quickly. Here are some shots from the day:

R with Mommy and Daddy

Gazing at Mommy

R with Uncle Jeremy

R posing and looking at Mommy and Daddy making funny faces at her

R plotting her revenge

In a gift box, about to flip out.

She made this face a lot during the photo shoot.

Taking a rest from all the commotion. Modeling is a hard gig.

Make-Belief Gone Bad

2008-09-30T15:08:00.000-07:00

If you don't already know, I nanny two boys; J. is 4 and S. is 2. On Tuesday afternoons, J. goes to a program about Superheroes which he absolutely LOVES. "Precious Paul" and "Mayhem Mary" run the program, as well as their Superhero identities, "Midnight Man" and "Purple Haze." From what I understand, there is a whole story line about M.M. and P.H., and the kids sort of live it out and solve different problems, and learn how to be superheroes along the way.

Well, today an evil doctor put special hats (silver bowls) on the heads of M.M. and P.H. and switched their powers and personalities. These recent events deeply upset J. and he was wailing when I picked him up this afternoon. He was crying so hard, he couldn't explain why he was so upset, and Precious Paul had to explain what was up. Poor J. let his imagination get the best of him.

Later, J. explained that Precious Paul and Midnight Man can't possibly be the same person because when they watched the video of M.M. and P.H. being switched, Precious Paul was right in the room with them!

For the record, the photo is of Jeremy (the husband) on our vacation this summer.

He thinks he's a superhero.

The Antler People

2008-09-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I spent a few hours creating The Antler People. They are my Christmas design for this year. Right now they are on gift tags that are oh-so-adorable, and I'm thinking about creating some cards too.

I'll be selling these in my Etsy shop soon. I'm going to create more tag packs before I list them. I'm thinking I'll put 10 tags in each pack. They will come in this handy-dandy envelope I made!

Here are some more of The Antler People:

Aren't they just adorable? On the back of the tags, "To" and "From" are stamped on and enough room to leave a message if you wish.

Tell me what you think about The Antler People. What else can I put them on? I love them!

Meet Benita and Mr. Brown

2008-09-28T10:03:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been quite productive, if I do say so myself. I would like to introduce you to Benita the Bunny and Mr. Brown the Substitute. Drum roll, please...

This is Benita.

And this is Mr. Brown.

Aren't they just darling? Each are painted on 8x10 natural fiber board with acrylic paint. The illustrations are done with oil paint pen. They are also now available at urbanBasement.
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In other news, Jeremy has finally gotten a practicum placement at a Private school. He gets to work with a grade 3 class! And there are only 12 students! He's pretty excited about it, as am I. He goes for an observation day on Tuesday, and starts on the 6th for 5 weeks! Having said all this, that means we finally know when we can move back to Toronto. We'll be heading back Monday November 10th. Let the packing begin!

Ugh.

Jingle Bells? Already?

2008-09-25T11:29:00.000-07:00

I realized I haven't posted in a few weeks, so I guess I should update a little bit for those that actually come around here to visit :)

I'm in the beginning stages of a new project for Christmas. I'm trying to decide what my personal Christmas cards will be this year, and what I will offer on Etsy. I've done some sketches for some Christmas tags I may offer. Do people buy those? Or do people not care anymore and just write on the bag/box? I love making my presents look beautiful. I don't care if they get ripped open. They sit under the tree for so long, they better be nice to look at!

I've decided I would like to buy most Christmas presents on Etsy as well. I love receiving original gifts, so I hope my family and friends love receiving them too! I've already bought one present, but I think it will end up being a Birthday gift instead. You should really check out tinymeat. I bought an amazing passport case there that I should be getting in the mail soon!

Christmas is coming soon. Don't get caught in the rush!

Beach Alphabet

2008-09-07T07:54:00.000-07:00

Beach Alphabet Series
"A is for Away"
"B is for Bird"
"C is for Crash"

Available as a set at urbanBasement.

During my vacation, I spent the day with Jeremy and his parents at the Boardwalk in the Toronto Beaches. It was a beautiful, bright day. Unfortunately, it was pretty windy and cold - but that didn't effect the gorgeous photos I was able to capture!
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In other news, I've now made 4 sales through my etsy shop. I know it's not much, but it's pretty exciting when someone wants to buy and appreciate something you've created.

urbanBasement Illustrated Notecards

2008-09-06T07:16:00.000-07:00

For the past few months I have been drawing quirky owls, birds, and characters - some of which have made it onto my computer to be digitally coloured. Lucky ducks. These three lovelies are available at urbanBasement, so check it out for more pictures.

"Wind-up"
"Poof"
"Owls"

The cards are blank on the back for your own personal message and they come with white envelopes.

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So I've been off for two weeks on holidays, which was a much needed break, and I ended up taking 500+ photos. For the first week, we were at my cottage, then went to Toronto to visit friends and family. This shot was taken at the Boardwalk in the Beaches in Toronto. I love the sparkle of the water and the minimal focus on the sand. I just lightened it up a bit, otherwise it's straight out of the camera. You can got to Flickr to see more of my photos.

Effer Dare #103

2008-08-14T19:34:00.000-07:00

Effer Dare 103 combines nature and urban. One of the other entries used the 2 words "be still" which reminded of that verse in Psalm, "Be still and know that I am God." No matter where we are, physically or spiritually, we just need to take a moment to be still; to be still and to reflect on the things that God has done. And if you're not a spiritual person, take a moment to just be still. There are so many things in life that tend to just take over. We rush in the morning, we rush at work, we rush to get dinner on the table, and (if you have them) kids into bed. Then you repeat the whole cycle the next day. When do you take the time to be still?

Moleskinerie - Dink - e - Dink - e - Dink

2008-08-13T18:58:00.000-07:00

Check out these fantastic new Moleskine journals I just designed! Each journal is 3.5x5.5, ruled, with 64 pages. The last 16 pages are perforated and there is a pocket folder on the inside back cover. Each journal has been painted with acrylic paint and has an original illustration by me in archival ink. Take a closer look at them here, here, and here. :)

IF: Sail

2008-08-12T07:19:00.000-07:00

I love when dandelions float away through the wind, especially in photography. They are tricky to catch (and even trickier to figure out how to sketch). Here is my take on Illustration Friday's theme, "sail."

Cloudy Skies

2008-08-10T18:52:00.000-07:00

The weekend was filled with cloudy skies, but that doesn't mean the weekend was at a loss. Jeremy and I went to a fantastic wedding on Friday (although, we did get stuck in traffic and missed the ceremony). It was a small wedding and SO much fun. Saturday we visited with friends and family, and I finally got to meet my friends' new baby girl, Lily. She is absolutely gorgeous.

I took this photo through the car window on the way home to Ottawa. I love the thick, full clouds rolling into the distance. They have so much character. What do you see in the clouds?

The Lily Painting

2008-08-04T14:30:00.000-07:00

"The Lily Painting"
Acrylic on canvas
12x12

This took me about 4 1/2 hours today - from sketch to finished product. My friends had a baby girl about 2 months ago (whom I haven't met yet because I live so far away!) and I get to finally meet her this month. This is for her. I hope she keeps it forever. :)

IF: Poof!

2008-08-02T15:24:00.000-07:00

Frankie Says Relax... but not too much.
Click image to enlarge.
Ink sketch scanned and digitally painted.

Illustration Friday's creative prompt this week is "Poof!"

Effer Dare #102

2008-08-02T09:34:00.000-07:00

Click the image to enlarge.

Effer Dare's dare #102 "In A Nutshell."

Downloadable template by effer dares. Digitally added texture, words, and photos.

Ode to an Old Grump

2008-08-01T05:33:00.000-07:00

The public bus can be such a wonderful place full of extraordinary and interesting people. Let's peek through the window of time to take a looksy at Thee Auld Grump.

Enter Thee Auld Grump (TAG) onto the bus - who then proceeds to stare down the person sitting in the designated spots of elderly, crippled, strollered, or otherwise un-able bodied riders. Once the person feels sufficiently awkward, he gets up and moves farther to the back of the bus. Please take note that TAG is neither crippled nor strollered, nor does he appear to have a foot in the grave.

Enter Woman with Stroller (WWS). The bus driver calls back and asks people to move out of the designated spots so WWS has room so the stroller isn't in the aisle. This is where TAG shines the brightest. He crosses his arms across his body and refuses to move (all this while people are crowding at the front of the bus because the stroller is in the aisle). He says, "We get pushed around enough. I'm not moving." He nods in the direction of the two elderly ladies for their support who nod in agreement and say, "Yeah!"

I half expected a revolt with canes being pushed into the air like pitchforks and body paint being slathered on in a Braveheart fashion. "You cannot take our bus seats!"

The bus driver actually had to come back and ask again so WWS could move her stroller. I piped up and said, "She takes up more room that you do, just switch seats." TAG looked at me with his angry beady little eyes and cried, "I'm not taking any more of this. I'm getting off the bus." And off he went on his merry way.

Now, all you old people activists out there are probably thinking that TAG did get pushed around. But TAG was able-bodied and could move the two feet to a different seat. He also didn't have to pay for the next bus because senior citizens get on the bus for free in the summer. Why do serior citizens feel like they get the short end of the stick? They get on the bus for free, they get seniors discounts, and they don't have to go to work. They get pushed around by whom? Their boss? They don't have one.

So TAG, if you're out there, this one's for you. Hope you like the dark, dim light I painted your picture in.

IMT: Beach

2008-07-27T17:20:00.000-07:00

Inspire Me Thursday's create prompt is "Beach." Coincidentally, I am taking part in a themed trade over at Monday Art Day and the theme is Ocean, so I'm just doubling up here.

I made this on watercolour paper with watercolours and archival ink. Unfortunately, the scan washed out the colours. It looks better in person.

Fresh Prints, Yo!

2008-07-25T07:25:00.000-07:00

Check out urbanBasement for fresh TTV prints. One for $10 or pick your fave four for $34. All prints are 5 x 5, but you can upgrade to 8 x 8. So check it out and tell me how much you love them. :)

IF: Enough

2008-07-21T18:01:00.000-07:00

Click on the image to view it larger. The text reads "plant more trees" "water more gardens."
I did the illustration with archival ink and digitally coloured it.
This is for illustration friday's "Enough" theme.
Are we doing enough to replenish the resources we are consuming?

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4 Things I did 10 years ago (1998):

I started high school.
I got a dumb haircut that I hated.
I became more comfortable with who I was.
I turned 14.

4 Things I did 5 years ago (2003):

I started University.
I celebrated 4 years with my boyfriend (now my husband).
I received a failing grade on a paper for the first time (and only time).
I got my G2 drivers license.

4 Things I did yesterday (July 20):

I slept in.
I saw The Dark Knight.
I bought new shoes.
I said goodbye to my friends.

4 Favourite TV shows:

Heroes
Degrassi
House
Criminal Minds

4 Things I love to do:

Photography
Draw/Paint
Read
Spend time with good friends.

The Failed Beach Day

2008-07-13T09:22:00.000-07:00

Jeremy and I headed to Mooney's Bay Park yesterday to check out the beach, but there ended up being a huge volleyball fundraising event and there were thousands of people crowding the place. We ended up on the reject side of the beach (where there was no beach and no swimming allowed) and we only stayed for about an hour and a half. We'll have to try another day when there isn't thousands of drunk volleyball players around.

The book of the day was "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky. It's inspired by "Catcher in the Rye." It's written through a series of letters by a young high school student named Charlie about his struggle with fitting in and finding his place.

Canada Day in the Capital

2008-07-02T10:26:00.000-07:00

Canada Day in Ottawa is very exciting and a little frightening. I've never actually gone to any kind of Canada Day festivities because I'm always working at camp, so this was all very new to me yesterday, particularily being in Ottawa because they go all out. They start off the day with the Changing of the Guard, end the day with fireworks and fill the middle with all kinds of wild things - parades, train rides, street performers. Jeremy and I went to see the Urban Art Show which was pretty great. There were three different Dance Crews who performed - mainly breakdancing stuff. And we waited to see the parade, but I'm pretty sure we went out too late and missed it.

Now, I mentioned that Canada Day in Ottawa was a little frightening. Let me explain:

Holiday + Beer = Crazy People.

1. One guy yelled at someone handing out religious tracts, telling him there is no God. He said, "You should be carrying a flag on Canada Day, not a poster with a verse. I don't want that in my country." I so badly wanted to tell him that if he wanted to live in a country that didn't allow the freedom to practice you religion or voice your opinion, than he should move to Zimbabwe. Canada Day celebrates Canada and what it represents: Freedom.

2. Three drunk guys were pushing and shoving each other into other people.

3. When the First Nations dance crew came on to perform, a First Nations homeless man (who had a few too many) walked onto the stage to perform himself.

4. A couple approaching the Loblaws saw the CLOSED sign and still attempted to push the automatic door open. Apparently the sign wasn't enough. I bet they were American.

IF*Fierce

2008-06-29T14:49:00.000-07:00

IF: Fierce
"Mad Owl"
© Katie Westacott 2008
Ink drawing
Photoshop

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I've been thinking a lot about my decision for teacher's college. I was offered admissions to schools in Australia and Scotland - both great locations - and have been wracking my brain about where I should accept. I've decided to go to the University of Edinburgh in Scotland. It's funny how once you make a decision, you just feel so much better. I can literally breathe better having made this decision. Now I just can't wait to go. I'm making lists in my head of what to do and what to pack (even though it's a year away). I just can't wait to experience Scotland and live in such a beautiful city.

2008-06-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes having options is just as bad as not having options. When I didn't know if I would be accepted anywhere for teacher's college, I was anxious and stressed. Now that I have some options, I'm still anxious and stressed because I don't know what school to choose! Oh, the dilemma.

On the one hand, Australia would be a beautiful place to live. The school is on the beach and the living costs are fairly comparable to here. On the other hand, Scotland is also beautiful, rich with history and culture, and Edinburgh is a very prestigious school ranking 23 of universities worldwide.

The downsides? The University of Wollongong is not a well-known institution and this could cause me to run into problems when applying for full-time work. The University of Edinburgh's tuition will cost the same as my entire undergraduate degree, and I have to wait until next August 2009 to go.

And so there lies the dilemma that is on my mind. By reading what I've written, can you tell what school I would prefer to go to? Because I can't...

2008-06-17T18:45:00.000-07:00

Nothing too exciting happened today. Went to work, blah, blah, blah. You know how it is. Nearing the end of the day though, I got an email from an Australian University I applied to for teacher's college. They said I'd be notified in the next couple of days about the acceptance decision! So, I can't exactly celebrate yet, but I'm hoping I'll be able to this weekend! Keep your fingers crossed with me.

Your Dreams Have Come True

2008-06-16T19:23:00.000-07:00

Your Dreams Have Come True
Your dreams have come true
everything's up to you
you can't change what you lose
but you can turn into someone new
you can't see
but blieve that
the mess you make
the toll it takes
it's worth it your dreams come true
it's time to let heal
the damage that you can feel
that sense of hope you steal
can turn into something real
you can't see
but believe that
them ess you make
the toll it takes it's worth it your dreams come true
your dreams have come true
your dreams have come true
turned into something new

-Sloan-
Pretty Together

Sloan's new album "Parallel Play" came out the other day. It is wonderful and smooth and makes me happy all over. Mmmm Sloan.

The Comeback Kid

2008-06-15T19:02:00.000-07:00

It's official. This blog has undergone some serious renovations. It's been too long since I've spent some time here and I think it's about time I start writing and posting some photos again.

Well, first thing's first. Recently, I started an etsy store. If you don't know what etsy is, well, you better find out because it's pretty awesome. Etsy.com is a website designed to allow independent artists and crafters to sell their handmade products.

I started a store called urbanBasement where, presently, I'm selling postcards of my photography. Soon I'll be selling prints and cards too. Check it out.

In other news, an old man yelled at me for saving seats at a break-dancing show. What I want to know is why an old man was at a break-dancing show in the first place. Don't they scoff at young people and their hooligan ways? I ended up getting the seats back because Jeremy yelled at him: "Don't talk to my wife like that!" It was the best.

Yawn

2008-03-13T15:35:00.000-07:00

I just saw 5 people yawn and it made me yawn too. I didn't really need to yawn; I'm not tired or bored, really. Maybe I just wanted to be like them. I don't usually jump on ban wagons- but it was just so tempting.

I bet you're yawning right now.

Some Dreams...

2008-02-28T10:37:00.000-08:00

1. Become a professional photographer.
2. Get into Teacher's College.
3. Teach in Korea.
4. Buy a round the world airline ticket and travel for a year.
5. Have a room in my house organized with all my art supplies. And only I'm allowed in there.
6. Make a difference.

Christmas Bokeh

2008-01-06T07:52:00.001-08:00

Bokeh (from the Japanses boke ぼけ, "blur") is a photographic term referring to the appearance of out-of-focus areas in an image produced by a camera lens. (wikipedia.com)

I just discovered this term recently. I've seen the technique used in photography before, mainly as a background to emphasize the focussed subject, but I've also noticed that some photographers use bokeh as the primary "focus" of the photo. I really like the abstract effect it creates. Plus, it's a good excuse when your photo doesn't come out!

photo by Katie Westacott 2007

Illustration Friday

2007-10-12T16:33:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across this website during my quest for drawing instructional websites and found it quite interesting. It is rather inspiring to look at other people's art, and to be given a topic to create with. I've found that I am coming up with some... interesting work.

I've started another blog called visualmanifesto.blogspot.com in which to post some of my art or doodles. It's not necessarily for Illustration Friday, but just for me to showcase some of my stuff. So, check it out if that interests you and tell me what you think. There's not much there right now, but I hope to get some more up there over the next while.

One Eye Open

2007-10-11T16:27:00.001-07:00

Scribble drawing in purple sharpie.

Where Have All the Tim Horton's Gone?

2007-09-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

Last night, Jeremy and I were walking around downtown Ottawa when I saw an ad for Tim Horton's on a garbage can. I quickly realized that we'd been walking around for a good hour or so and the only Tim Horton's that I had seen was on a garbage can! Another observation I've made is that Starbucks (ahem... American) is rampant. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this the capital of Canada? And isn't Tim Horton's a national Canadian icon? C'mon, Ottawa. Support your local Tim Horton's today, and succumb to the stereotypical Canadian identity. Don't forget to bundle up before heading out in that blizzard!

Reflecting on Life in Ottawa

2007-09-29T09:53:00.001-07:00

It is hard to believe that I was so afraid to move to a new city. I was afraid of getting lost (check), of being lonely because I didn't know anyone (check), and I was afraid I would hate my job (check). Having experienced these things has made me realize how much I can't just rely on myself.

I felt (and still do at times) so turned around here. I didn't know what was North or South, or East or West because I'm so used to living in Toronto where landmarks tell me exactly where I am. I've come to rely on the parliament building so I can orient myself with my surroundings. Parliament buildings are North, so everything else is South.

The first week here when Jeremy was at school, I felt so alone because I had no one else to interact with. I started a new job (we'll get to that in a minute) where the ladies that worked there just nit-picked at everything I did (wrong). I missed going to church where I knew everyone, and I missed camp community as well, again where I knew everyone. I came to rely on trying to be a little more outgoing (which is not my nature at all).

As mentioned above, I worked the first week in Ottawa. I hated that job. I was always told how I was doing things wrong, the daycare was disorganized and unprofessional, and I was totally unimpressed with the authority there. I quit after the first week. And I came to rely on my computer to search for new job. And eventually, I did.

So even though I was afraid of getting lost, of being lonely, and of hating my job, I was able to rely on something to get me through that fear. And it's not the parliament buildings, or striving to be less of a wallflower, or even job search engines. Through it all, I prayed. I prayed I would find my way home through all the one-way streets. I prayed that I would meet new people. And I prayed that I would find a job that I love. So even though I relied on other earthly things, God put those there because of my prayers, because He wants to ease my fears and He wants to bless me.

Catching My Breath

2007-04-29T18:34:00.000-07:00

I was asked on Thursday if I'd like to work at camp in the Spring.

I called back on Friday and said yes.

Everything was officially confirmed about an hour ago.

I'm leaving tomorrow.

Now I need a minute to catch my breath.

Honestly though, God is incredible. I was finishing up school and wasn't really sure what I was going to be doing in the spring except plan for camp and out of the blue, an offer is there. God provides so much and I am completely grateful for it. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to go back to serve at camp. Camp has been such a huge part of my life and I love being able to still be a part of it.

EEeeeeeeeek

2007-04-27T08:45:00.000-07:00

My heart is beating fast and I'm shaking with glee.
It could be the coffee I had before my exam, but I think most of it is glee.

I'm officially done my undergraduate degree, thank you very much.
And bow.

After Thoughts

2007-04-21T15:08:00.000-07:00

...and done. That was a long exam. Just slip the booklet inside the other and I'm out of here...

"We have reached the 10 minute mark. If you finish, just sit quietly until the end."

No! Bah. This always happens. I guess I could read over my exam. No... I'll see things I'll want to change and I will run out of time.

1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... 11... 12... 13... 14... 15... 16... 17... 18... 19... 20... 21... 22... 23... 24..........

I wonder if my shaking leg is bugging that girl over there. She doesn't seem to notice. Whatever. I'm going to shake it. Shake shake shake. Shake shake shake. Shake your booty. Shake your booty.

That girl down there is reading over her exam. Pfft. Loser.

L- O- Double L- I- P- O- P spells Lollipop, lollipop. It's a lick upon a stick guaranteed to make you sick. It's lollipop for meeee.

C, that's the way it begins and H, that's the next letter in, and I is the middle of the word, and C you've already heard, and K, now we're nearing the end, and E, now we're rounding the bend. C-H-I-C-K-E-N, Oh, that's the way you spell CHICK-EN!

Rufus Rustus Johnston Brown oh whatchu gonna do when the rain comes down. Whatchu gonna do oh whatchu gonna say if you can't pay the rent til the rain goes away...

Is it raining today? I hate taking the bus when it's raining. Wait. Jeremy's picking me up. Yesss.

1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... 11... 12.......

Hmm. A couple more minutes. So it's almost 5 -- that gives me 2 hours to study for my next exam. I'm hungry. Maybe I'll get a sandwich from Treats. Then I'll study. Study study study study study study. S-T-U-D-Y. Study. Study. That word sounds funny now. Study. Why is a stud called "studly." Why now "study"? Like a nerd is called "nerdy," not "nerdly." But if someone does something in a nerdy way, you'd say they did it nerdily. So if someone did something in a studly manner, would you say they did it studily? No. English is weird. Why am I specializing in it again?

Oooo. The T.A. is watching the clock. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1.

"Ok. The exam time is up. Put your booklets together and come to the front to hand them in."

Yesss.
Ooo a dollar! Coffee? Yes please.

Long Weekend Hijinx

2007-04-16T06:50:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday evening, Jeremy and I headed up to the cottage for a nice relaxing Easter weekend. We had instructions for the water pumps, warm clothes, yummy groceries, and expectations of a relaxing weekend. Little did we know what we were actually in for.

On Monday evening, before the weekend, my Grandfather leant us a flashlight so that we could see our way into the cottage on Thursday night. I put the flashlight in my backpack so that it wouldn't be forgotten and we headed out. However, at the last minute, I decided not to bring my backpack and, as a result, did not bring the flashlight. Where we park at the cottage is at the top of a cliff and there is a staircase going down the side of the rocks to get to the cottage. Clearly, this is not a good situation in the dark, especially when there is still snow and ice on the stairs. Despite the lack of flashlight, we made it down and into the cottage.

Backtrack: When we were about 20 minutes away from the cottage, Jeremy noticed that it was really loud while we were driving. I insisted that it was because there was lots of sand on the roads to melt the ice. Jeremy said the steering felt a little weird, but we just blamed it on the snow and sand.

Fast Forward: On Friday, we decided to go into town to get some groceries. My brother and his girlfriend were going to come up (which ended up being just my brother because Sara's grandmother died) and we needed to get some food for the weekend. I started driving and noticed once we got off the dirt cottage road that the steering did indeed feel a little weird. I didn't really know what I would find, but I decided to pull over and check things out. I walked around to the front of the car - everything looked fine - then made my way to the passenger side. My mouth dropped and my eyes bulged out of their sockets. We had the flattest tire ever. We had actually been driving on the rim.

Obviously, we needed to put the spare tire on. So Jeremy opened up the trunk and the lid to get to the spare tire. Much to our surprise the spare tire was encased in ice. Yes. You read correctly. There must have been a leak or when snow fell in the trunk when we opened it earlier must have melted and settled in with the tire. We headed back to the cottage (we were 2 minutes away) and I began to take trips up and down the stairs to boil water and pour it around the tire. We eventually got the tire out, scooped out the water from the trunk and changed the tire. Oh mercy me.

I wanted to document the events with some pictures, but my camera batteries died and Jeremy kept getting mad at me when I went hunting for batteries in the cottage. We were going to buy batteries in town, but we had the flat tire!

Everything eventually got taken care of, we eventually got to relax, and we eventually made it into town - by sheer luck. The gas light was on and we were going to run out any second. And wouldn't you know, the gas station in town was closed when we got there. Again, it was sheer luck that we made it back to the cottage on what little gas we had left. Fortunately, my brother was coming up and he followed us into town the next day so that if we ran out of gas on the way to the gas station, he could drive us the rest of the way and we could fill up a jerry can. We made it to town, though.

All in all, we had a very eventful weekend and I would very much like another long weekend to make up for the last one.

Oh, The Places You'll Go

2007-04-03T13:55:00.000-07:00

I didn't really expect to react the way I did yesterday when Jeremy found out about some schools that he got accepted to for teacher's college. I didn't realize how much I actually don't want to move to North Bay, Thunderbay, or Windsor. I feel terrible for crying and being such a baby about it. Jeremy has stressed and worked so hard to make sure he got accepted somewhere to complete school, and I acted so selfishly. But I guess that doesn't really matter now because Jeremy got accepted to Ottawa, which is the first 'out-of-town' choice if he doesn't get into the Toronto schools. And I'm more willing to move there.

I hate when life is so unpredictable sometimes. I want to know where we're going to be living in the Fall rather than waiting and guessing. But this definitely forces me to put more trust in God's plan. With the uncertainty of the future, I have to trust that God knows what He's doing, and that He'll provide for our needs.

God provides: this is definitely something I've been learning and something I've been blessed with this year and it's terrible how often I've actually stopped to thank God for what He's done. Jeremy has had 4 or 5 different jobs this year, with jobs falling through and other ones being offered right away. God provides. We've received mysterious cards with money in them from people that love us. God provides. We've had Monday night dinners with Jeremy's family all year. God provides. No matter what has happened, whether it be as big as losing a job or as little as not having a couch, God has taken care of our needs. If I can see that God has taken care of us, I need to trust that His plan is good, wherever we end up next year.

Honestly, this is me

2007-03-30T11:27:00.000-07:00

Hearing criticism about myself is probably one of the hardest things for me to take. To be honest, it's actually because I know some of what is said is true. I hate feeling inadequate and feeling like I've failed at something. And I hate even more when people can see that I've made those mistakes and when they point them out. It's for that reason that it's difficult for me to improve myself. I don't like being criticisized, even constructively so, when I already know it myself. Even moreso, I don't like being critisized about things that are difficult for me to change.

I can be judgemental and a gossip. Those are my two vices. Those are the things that are difficult for me to hear and, harder still, for me to change. When I actually think about it, I know it's because of my own insecurities. I want the attention to be reverted to something or someone else other than myself, but I'm only putting a magnifying glass in front of my face, screaming, "Look at me!" Or I'm judging something I hate in someone else that I hate in myself. And the ironic thing is, I hate it when people are judgemental. And I hate it when people gossip.

I hate being wrong. It makes me feel really stupid. I know that's childish and trivial because I can learn from my mistakes, but I feel like all eyes are on me, judging what I've done or said. This is why I rarely raise my hand in class. I feel unsure of myself and my intelligence and I don't want people to know. On some occasions when I have mustered the courage to contribute to class discussions, my answer is wrong or is received unresponsively. This has actually happend on very few occasions, but when it does, I feel like everyone is watching me and judging what stupid thing I've said when in reality everyone has forgotten by the time someone else speaks.

I want help from people when I don't know what to do in a situation but I'm afraid to ask for it. It could be pride, but for the most part, it's my own fear of feeling inadequate. I don't want the person I'm asking for help from to think I'm weak. I know it's wrong, but a part of me thinks that weakness is equated with asking for help. I feel like I'm strong when I can do things on my own. It's like when I'm driving, I hate when Jeremy tells me directions even when I have no idea where I'm going. I feel like I've somehow failed at finding our destination if I can't do it myself. The worst thing is, I know this all sounds so frivolous and petty and yet, I still think this way sometimes.

Something I know I really need to do is consciously make the effort to change the things I see in myself that I don't like. And more importantly, I need to make that effort to change the things in myself that God doesn't like.

Crunch Time

2007-03-28T12:45:00.000-07:00

The coffee's brewing, post-it's are scribbled with little facts, and my notes are decorated with flourescent colours. Yes, it appears to be that time of year again. I'm growing fond of the wee hours of the morning and the... motivation... of a looming due date. But I won't be in the doldrums when I see this time pass. Especially as this will be one the last "crunch times" I'll have the pleasure of enduring. Freedom is around the corner. The corner certainly seems to be quite large, but it's around the corner nontheless.

When I reach this coveted reverse side of the corner, I'm not really sure what I'll be doing, but it will not, without question, involve dangerous amounts of coffee consumption. As much as I like office supplies (yes, I have a fondness for Staples Business Depot), I really don't want to see another highlighter for a long time (unless, of course, it involves doodling mindlessly).

Actually, I do have an idea of what I would like to do for the summer after I graduate. It just seems to be a really ...weird situation right now. I won't go into details or anything. It just seems that something I've loved for so long is slipping away and I'm not really sure why. I understand that things change and people change and things go in different directions sometimes. I just don't understand why I may not be a part of that change. I think this paragraph is more for me than for the few readers who stop by here...

Tony and the Hour

2007-03-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

Recently Tony Campolo was on The Hour with George Stroumboulopoulos.
To view the interview go to: http://www.cbc.ca/thehour/video.php?id=1401

The conversation was quite interesting and I love the way Tony Campolo is very frank with his faith and beliefs, "Get to the red letters. Jesus said, 'You have heard of an eye for an eye but I give you a new commandment.' And I don't want to be nasty, by when Jesus says 'I give you a new commandment,' I think he means it's a new commandment."

Some of the conversation revolved around how some Christians are distracted by contraversy such as abortion and homosexuality, and they aren't getting to the heart of what Christianity is all about; they're missing the point. Jesus said, "I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me" (Matthew 25:42-43). I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to hear those words when I die. And don't we all miss the point sometimes? We get so distracted by contraversy like teen pregnancy and gay marriage, but what does it accomplish by heaping insults and judgement on them? Are we accomplishing Jesus' goal? No where in the red letters does it say, 'reject the unwed mother,' or 'kill abortionists.' Jesus clearly calls us to love, and we would be hypocrites not to stand by that commandment if we claim to be followers of Christ.

No Room for Subltety in the Media

2007-03-22T11:14:00.000-07:00

Didn't God say, "do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind"?

The world has just given up on subltety and decided to go the more direct route.

Strep Throat

2007-03-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

My Life Writing class has a discussion board where we are required to post in response to questions for participation marks. I guess it's a good way to gain some free marks for those that aren't comfortable speaking in class. Anyway, one of the topics to answer to was to discuss our own personal "illness narrative." We've been reading some autobiographies which include the writer's personal struggle with some kind of illness.

In comparison with others, I don't exactly have a significant "illness narrative" and from what I can remember, the last time I was sick was almost a year ago when I had a bad case of strep throat in May. I had many sleepless nights. Not only did it hurt to swallow, it just hurt, period. I had to brace myself everytime I needed to swallow and, most of the time, I would just spit instead. I would keep an empty water bottle next to my bed. Yes, disgusting, but it was better than getting up every 5 minutes.

I'm not exactly a fan of hospital visits, but after I was sick for a week or so, I decided I should pay the Doc a visit. I think the last time I actually saw this particular doctor was when I was 11 or 12. The visit was pretty standard. He stuck a stick in my mouth, I said 'ah,' he gave me a slip of paper with somewhat legible writing, and I was off on my merry way to the pharmacist. Once I was on the medication, I began to feel better, but as soon as my magic little pink pills were gone, the strep throat came back with a vengence.

At this point, it was 3 weeks until my wedding day. I was afraid that after all the planning and patient waiting... who am I kidding? ... impatient waiting, that I would be sick and uncomfortable for the most important day of my life (too cliche?).

So off I went to the doctor. Again. My not-so-favourite place. This time I got a bottle of huge brown pills. Interesting dilemma. My throat was inflamed and puffy, therefore, smaller than usual. And now I had huge pills. Let's just say that before meals 3 times a day were not a time I looked forward to.

Anyway, the story ends happily with the restored normalcy of my throat and a big party to celebrate. Ok, the party was to celebrate the marriage, but I also celebrated the fact that I didn't have to spit in a bottle anymore.

Photo-Op

2007-03-11T11:30:00.001-07:00

When I have due dates fast-approaching, I tend to style my hair, put on a little make-up and show the camera some love.

These first 2 were taken before I brought the scissors in contact with my lovely locks.

I don't know what it is about making funny faces, but it is extremely entertainting. I think everyone should take pictures of themself making funny faces, just to entertain themselves and have a laugh. Laughing's important.

And I don't know what it is about hair that just screams, "cut me! style me! make me cool!" But it did scream nontheless and I listened. So here I am after the hair fell to the floor:

Plain Eccentricity

2007-03-07T14:14:00.000-08:00

Downtown Toronto attracts Eccentrics like a flame attracts moths.
Going downtown never ceases to surprise me. I will always be intrigued by the fashion choices (fuchsia legwarmers anyone?), the variety of cuisine selection (street meat vs. street fish?), and, interestingly, beverage choice (a guy on the subway was non-chalantly chugging back a can of beer). And let's not forget the scruffy old men who hit on young women on the subway.

Everytime I go downtown (which actually isn't that often), I feel like a tourist.
I get lost easily, so of course, I need to consult a map. I'm wearing my sensible shoes and there isn't a hint of fuchsia on me. There is nothing eccentric about me and so I stand out like a banana in a bowl of grapes. So does that make me eccentric? Funny how I need to be eccentric to blend in. My plainness stands out amongst street performers, sharply dressed professionals, and fashionable students. Maybe next time I venture downtown I should bring a trumpet and wear a sombrero. Maybe I'll even bring a martini.

Sickness.

2007-03-06T05:52:00.000-08:00

In Life Writing yesterday, we were asked to write for 10 minutes on a time when we ourselves were sick, or a close friend or family member. This task came at a very appropriate time, as sickness seems to be everywhere lately.

A couple weeks ago, my mom had a really bad flu and was out of work for about a week. Not really that tragic, but if you were the one sick, you'd probably think it was. The funny thing about being sick is, when you are sick all you can think about is being healthy. And when you are healthy, being sick doesn't even cross your mind. Mom's better now.

A few days ago, my Grandma told me that Grandpa was going to the doctor to check his heart. A few nights ago, I found out Grandpa has to get an angiogram on Friday. The result of the test could be as little as medication or as serious as open-heart surgery. We won't know until Friday.

On Thursday, I found out that one of the most loving and generous women I know has been diagnosed with lung cancer. And although she is one of the most loving women I know, she is also one of the sickest. She has gone though so many illnesses, that it is a miracle she is with us now.

I am so angry at her doctor. She has been having trouble breathing for some time and the doctor just told her to take her puffers and she'll be fine. She finally went to a respirologist who immediately rushed her to the hospital where she was quickly diagnosed with lung cancer in its most advanced stages. The chemo she's receiving just seems to be a vain attempt to bide more time, hoping to meet her first grandchild in a few short months. I am so angry at her doctor.

Cancellations and Ski Days

2007-03-02T04:38:00.000-08:00

Cancellations from snowstorms scroll on the bottom of the screen:

All TDSB extra-curriculars cancelled March 1.
City programs cancelled March 1.
"X" School's Ski Day cancelled March 2.

So, there's too much snow for skiing?

Today's Numbers

2007-02-26T14:33:00.000-08:00

1 alarm interrupts my slumber.
1, 2 phonecalls while I was working out this morning. One Jeremy. One wrong number.
1, 2, 3 snowflakes in my eye within a few seconds of walking out the door.
1, 2, 3, 4 buses drive past in the other direction while I'm still waiting for mine.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 minutes late for class. It doesn't matter anyway because the professor takes forever to get started.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 trips to the bathroom already today. I will never get used to drinking the required amount of water for a day.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 times I looked at the clock in Life Writing today. I just wanted to get my midterm back, but the professor was going on and on about good answers and bad answers and showing examples of each. Did we suddenly transport back to first year?
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 is what I got on my midterm. Actually, it was 80, but this seemed like the most logical place to boast about it.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 is the time I think I'm going to fall asleep tonight.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 is the number I wanted to end with, but I can't think of anything that happened today that corresponds to it.

Couch Cuddles and Sofa Snoozing

2007-02-25T14:31:00.000-08:00

I forgot how much I love sofas. Jer and I finally got one yesterday at Ikea (by the way, I could spend hours there). I love cuddling while watching a movie. I love giant pillows. How did I go this long without a couch?

Future Opportunities

2007-02-19T13:55:00.000-08:00

Figures I go right back to school when I'm finally done...
I graduate in the Spring (yay!) and in May I'm taking a course called TESOL. That is: Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (Since I'm not in school next Fall, I thought it may help me find a job in the school system for the year while Jeremy is in teacher's college). This course also helps you find ESL teaching jobs in other countries, so Jer and I are seriously thinking about spending a year in South Korea once all our schooling is over with. Now that we've been talking about this for the past week or so, I am so anxious to go. I really want to experience another culture and send emails home about all the cool things I'm doing while everyone else is shovelling snow. In all seriousness though, I'm really excited about future opportunities and the possibility of living in a new place.

I'm New.

2007-02-10T11:51:00.000-08:00

"Hello?"
"Oh. Hello. I'm calling from ----. Is this Mrs. -----?"
"No, sorry. You have the wrong number."
"You aren't Mrs. -----?"
"No. You have the wrong number."
"Is this 416.---.----?"
"No. Like I said, you have the wrong number."
"Oh... uh... I'm new."

At what? Numbers?

Red in the Face

2007-02-05T17:31:00.000-08:00

I squirmed in my seat trying to figure out a non-chalant way of fixing my dilemma. Why did I think it was a good idea to sit in the front row? Now that I'm in fourth year, I'm all of a sudden a super-nerd (I even wear glasses and raise my hand in class). I glance back slightly to see where everyone's attention is. Duh. The front of the room. I decide to just pay attention and take notes, but I can't help but think back through my day. I got a ride to school, went to class, went to the library, bought a coffee, read, and now I'm here in my other class. Did I take a washroom break? Think think think. Yes! As soon as I came in after getting a ride to school - wait. That means- I- My- Oh dear. My fly's been down for all that time! Now to get it back up. The world does not need to see my underoos.

Popcorn and the Movies

2007-01-31T09:15:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a course called "Cinema and Modernity" where we watch and analyze films from various genres. It's actually quite interesting to view films in a way other than for the sake of entertainment. We're learning about filming techniques and camera tricks and relate those properties back to the story of the movie.

Tuesday evenings are when the films are screened. Some people bring in snacks for the movie - or their dinner, as the screening time is from 5 to 7 - prime dinner eating time. The people seated behind me decided to bring in popcorn (original). A friend of theirs came in, who I guess brought popcorn last week, and exclaimed, "You guys brought popcorn?! I'm starting a fad!"

No. She did not just say that. Starting a fad? Of eating popcorn at the movies? Has she ever been to a movie theatre? I assume she wants to patent the idea of throwing popcorn during a movie too? Because that's what her and her friends thought would be a good idea yesterday. I didn't realize I was entering a time machine when I walked into the screening room, because clearly we're 12 again.

Pieces of the Story

2007-01-28T11:26:00.000-08:00

Piece 1: Jer and I headed out yesterday around 4 to venture downtown. After parking the car at the mall, we got on the RT. As I was talking with Jer, I noticed the lady sitting beside him, fully digging for gold. It was like she hadn't eaten for days. This woman was really hankerin' for some boogie.

Piece 2: While getting off the subway, two girls, who were utterly confused as to which direction they should be going in, kept walking onto the subway then back off. One girl got her foot stuck between the ramp and the subway. I laughed. She laughed. It was a nice moment.

Piece 3: Bex, Laura, Jer and I went to Salad King last night. It was the first time I tried thai food. Pineapple chicken is scrumptuous, by the way. Jeremy has some words of wisdom on the chillis: "5 chillis going in? 5 chillis going out." I stuck with mild. But I'm still paying for Jer's decision to have 5 chillis.

Piece 4: I had the priviledge of seeing Sloan in concert last night. Two words: crazy fans. Some old guy behind us thought he was the Sloan expert. And some 12 year olds thought it would be cool to start a mosh pit. They were the only ones that participated in that part of the Sloan festivities. They probably didn't even know who Sloan was. Shame. Then some guy started crowd surfing. It was the fastest way to the front of the crowd. I thought about it myself, but opted for not being touched in places that are reserved for private moments with Jeremy.

Piece 5: Speaking of private moments, after the concert, we headed over to this giant snow globe that we thought we could go in (we couldn't). Some random couple were sauntering along when they suddenly stopped in the spotlight and started making out. This was no ordinary PDA: I think maybe the girl had a wedgie that her boyfriend was helping her with.

Piece 6: Next, we headed to HMV. Jer and I wanted to buy the new Sloan CD: 10 bucks? deal. There's more to this piece later.

Piece 7: Bex and Laura, and Jer and I parted ways at Kennedy station. On the RT, Jer decided to share his 5 chillis with the rest of the passengers. The RT decided to stall for 15 minutes. Connection?

Piece 8 a.k.a Piece 6 Part 2: Jer and I decided to listen to our new Sloan CD in the car on the way to church. As Jer cleared off the car, I got in to put the CD on and heat up the car. But when I opened the CD case, there was no CD. "oh Jeremy, you silly" I thought. When he got in, I was like, "okay. Give me the CD." "I gave it to you," he said. Hmm. So we paid 10 bucks for a CD case. Not such a good deal. After church, we headed to HMV at the mall to exchange it and there were no CD's left. We got a gift card and ordered a new one.

Piece 9: I never really considered Scarborough Town Center to be a swanky place, but apparently it's really quite picturesque. No joke, a bride and groom were posing for their pictures on a bench in the mall- in front of the escalator. Silly me, and I thought flowers were pretty for wedding pictures. I guess everyone has their tastes: pink flowers or moving stairs? Moving stairs it is.

Testimony

2007-01-27T08:29:00.000-08:00

I'm telling my testimony at church tomorrow and I'm pretty nervous. Just thought I'd share it:

I could start where every one else seems to: I became a Christian when I was 6 years old at camp. Blah blah blah. Don’t misunderstand me; that moment in my life holds significant value to me. I still remember my counselor, although I don’t recall her name. She took the time to show me Christ’s love. I still remember lying on my stomach on my top bunk (we had to get there early so I could get a top bunk – When I was older, I wanted to leave home early so I could get a bottom bunk). I remember burying my head in my pillow and asking Jesus to live in my heart. So I guess that’s where my journey begins. But starting there seems so senseless; I didn’t fully understand the significance of the words I prayed when I was 6 years old.

So I’m going to fast forward a little bit. In grade 8 I considered myself a Christian. I went to church and Drop-In. I had been going to Mini-Yo-We every summer. I prayed. But at that point in my life, there were two people that influenced me a great deal. Their names were Calvin and Colin. Now, for those of you who haven’t already heard of these two guys, you’re probably thinking, “Isn’t that nice to have people influence us.” But for those of you who know about Calvin and Colin, you know that grade 8 was a very hard time for me. I dreaded getting out of bed and making the two minute walk to school for fear of facing cruel insults and hateful ridicule. For a young girl who was already self-conscious and unsure of herself, this was not helping. I came home with a tear-stained face on countless occasions and began calling in sick by pretending to be my mom. Soon, my sadness turned to anger and I began fighting back with words – very hateful and angry words. I yelled at Calvin and Colin. I yelled at my teacher for seeing what was happening on a daily basis and not doing anything about it. And on those days when I was home “sick,” I yelled at God for letting Calvin call me a Hippo and letting Colin call me stupid. I yelled at God for making me ugly. Eventually, I became so desperate to be accepted and to feel comfortable with myself that I slowly began eating less and less – I would go a whole day without eating much, but then I’d wake up in the night with hunger pains and sneak down to the kitchen to eat – I wasn’t a very successful anorexic.

I remember one particular day, I came home from school, and as soon as I shut my bedroom door, I burst into tears. I cried hard for a long time. That day, I was put into a group with Colin. Whenever I tried to participate in our group’s discussion, Colin would give me dirty looks and tell everyone else in the group not to listen to me because fat girls are stupid and don’t have anything important to say. That day in my room, I looked for comfort. I cried to God to make me pretty and to make me skinny. I grabbed my Bible and asked God to tell me something. I just opened it up and read the first words that my eyes rested on: “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18. I cried even harder. God was telling me what was really important – not what other people thought of me, but what was in my heart, which brings us back to that night at camp on my top bunk when I asked Jesus into my heart. That’s what’s important. That’s what’s eternal.

Now, I’m not going to tell you that everything was perfect after that. I still came home crying some days. I still called in sick. I was still sad sometimes. But I kept that verse with me in my heart to remind me of what was really important. I still care about how I look, but I don’t base my identity and worth on it. And to quote one of my favourite books: “I don’t think we should base so much on weight, muscles, and a good hair day, but when it happens, it’s nice. It really is.” Fortunately, I’m having a good hair day today.

Learning from Nehemiah

2007-01-21T14:01:00.000-08:00

Nehemiah was able to bring together and encourage hundreds of regular everyday Joe's to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem in 52 days. Goldsmiths, Priests, Women, Perfume makers, Bakers, Servants. People from outside of Jerusalem, people from Jerusalem, people of different occupations and backgrounds came together to accomplish something. Did you know that the word "next" appears 14 times in the 3rd chapter of Nehemiah? All of these people from different origins, different experiences, different walks of life came together and worked next to each other. Not below the more important people, not above the servants and women, but next to each other with a common goal. This unity is something we can learn from.

When Nehemiah set out to rebuild the wall, he didn't look for stone masons, or construction workers. He looked for God's people, willing to lend a hand and do their part. Nehemiah trusted that God would provide the right people - people with gifts of encourgement and compassion. But what is most important is not the part we play, but doing our part. God doesn't favour the ministers over the ladies that make the coffee for Sunday morning. He doesn't favour Youth Pastors over those booking speakers, music, and events. All of our gifts are important, but the part we play is not as important as doing our part.

So many times, we are unwilling to take on a role in our churches, or even outside our churches, because we won't get recognition, or we think, "it's not important enough for me to do." Sometimes we think we're above certain tasks. But when we think that way, other's have to pick up the slack. Nehemiah 3:5 says, "The next section was repaired by the men of Tekoa, but their nobles would not put their shoulders to the work under their supervisors." Even back then, some people were unwilling to do their part. The men of Tekoa had to pick up the slack - they did extra work in order to finish the wall!

Still, it's not enough just to do the task that needs to be done, but to do it in good spirits. Nehemiah 3:20 says, "Baruch son of Zabbai zealously repaired another section." This guy worked zealously! Not only was he doing his part, he was doing it with a smile on his face. God not only wants us to do our part, He wants us to love doing our part. Do you really think we're bringing glory to God if we're serving food at the Saturday youth event with a scowl on our faces? Or if we're arguing with the others in the kitchen? Nehemiah and his crew are a tremendous example to us. Not only should we be doing our part in (and out!) of our churches, we should be happy to do it because we're glorifying God through the work we're accomplishing.

To Write Love on Her Arms

2007-01-20T17:36:00.000-08:00

Ben(www.laceyoursneakers.blogspot.com) posted this story from the "To Write Love on Her Arms" website (www.twloha.com). TWLOHA is an organization designed to help young people struggling with depression, cutting, and addiction. This is their story:

TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS by Jamie Tworkowski

Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.

Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.

She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.

The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.

She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.

I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.

Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.

She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Travelling Mercies.

On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.

Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.

After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.

She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.

As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.

I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.

Artist in Training 2: Hair

2007-01-19T14:44:00.000-08:00

So I've been working on my hair skills. Drawing hair takes an enormous amount of patience and talent. The two sample practice drawings on the right took me a couple of hours. After I finally nailed down the shape and where the shadows should go, I just kept drawing strand after strand until I could go through and erase sections and darken others. I'm actually really happy with the way the pony-tail turned out. I was frustrated with it in the beginning because I wasn't getting the shading or the realistic look that I wanted, but I realized that that look doesn't just appear after drawing a few lines - it takes time and layers and layers of pencil to get that full look of realistic hair.

Patience is definitely a virtue.

Anger. Rage. Fury.

2007-01-19T08:50:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I wasn't that angry, but what is it with telemarketers and their persistence? If I said no the first time, I'm going to say no the second and third and fourth time you ask me if I want to change to your phone company (one that I have NEVER heard of).

First of all, the woman asks, "Is this Mrs. Marchay?" And when I say no, you have the wrong number, she still continues her sales bit. After being told several times that I was not interested in whatever it was that she was selling (a cheaper phone plan), she seemed flabbergasted that I would reject her offer. But, really, what did the woman expect me to say? "Oh yes, I'll hand over personal information over the phone to a complete stranger from a company I've never heard of! This is my lucky day!" After I had declined politely several times, the woman would not give up and I was starting to get irritated. So I reemed her out and told her exactly why I wasn't interested in saving money:

First of all, you called me thinking I was someone else. I've never heard of your company, I'm already with another one, as you can tell because you're talking on the phone with me right now. I am not prepared to give you any of my personal information, I don't know who you are, and you can't speak English properly. I've said I'm not interested, I will never be interested, so please stop asking me.

and then I hung up on her.
a little harsh?

Here's Lookin' at You, Kid.

2007-01-14T19:50:00.000-08:00

I was waiting at school the other day for someone I was selling a textbook to when a girl approached me and asked quietly, "are you Katie?" I was kind of in that state where you're day-dreaming and staring off into nothing, so I didn't answer her at first. She asked again and I snapped back into reality and realized that this girl was talking - but I wasn't really sure if she was talking to me. Her eyes were a little lazy and looking in slightly different directions, so it was really unclear where she was actually looking. Honestly, only about 10 seconds passed where I was completely confused, but it felt like 10 minutes while I squinted at her, trying to figure out where the heck she was looking. I finally realized she was the girl I was meeting and quickly made the exchange and went off to class. I didn't want to look at her again for fear of squinting at her irregular eyes.

I Have the Freedom to Put Books on the Shelves

2007-01-12T12:22:00.000-08:00

After reading Journey from the Land of No by Roya Hakakian, I have a new perspective on the drastic differences between North America and the daily living experiences of Islamic countries. Hakakian's book is a life narrative about her experiences growing up as a Jew in Iran. It mainly takes place during the late 70's after the revolution against the shah.

I've realized to a greater extent that we take for granted the freedoms we have here. Hakakian spoke about how her Jewish school for girls was taken over by a female Muslim extremist, vying to convert the girls to Islam. The new principal told them they were dirty, took away their Passover holiday, and accused them of causing men to sin by letting stray strands of hair escape from under their scarves. She told the young girls that the "edge of their hairline" is the "edge of the apocalypse."

Later, Hakakian was taken into custody for having taken off her scarf. While being held for questionsing, she ate literature and her own poetry and writing that she had hidden in her clothes so as not to be put into prison. Any literature was considered a crime against the government.

Reading this woman's account opened my eyes to how different it is in other parts of the world and how much I take for granted. I wish I could really appreciate the freedom I have that allows me to fill my bookshelves with literature that I love.

Excuse me, my asthma is acting up.

2007-01-12T12:14:00.000-08:00

Why am I such a nerd?
Already after the first week of classes have I finished reading 2 novels and taken meticulous notes - and I actually enjoyed it. I am the Queen of Dork.

course troubles

2007-01-09T11:36:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to find a course to enroll in that I really don't need, but I do. I've already finished my specialist in English, but I need to have a certain amount of credits to receive my honours bachelor of arts.

I really don't want to be in school anymore. And I really don't want to take random courses that I really don't care about. School is pointless.

Cutting in Line and Stereotypes

2007-01-07T15:19:00.000-08:00

On Friday, Bex, Laura and I went to the Fox and Fiddle Mansion. I had never been there and I just assumed that it was a pub, which I was excited about. I love the relaxed atmosphere of a pub. So we get there and realize that the Fox and Fiddle Mansion suddenly turns into a club on a Friday night, but we stay because we're there for our other friend's birthday. Unfortunately, we had to wait in line to get in.

Every situation that involves a line-up will most likely involve line-cutters- one of my biggest pet-peeves. And of course, this line-up situation was no different. We had been waiting for maybe 15 minutes when three huge black guys kind of cut in front of us. Now, they weren't actually in front of us yet, but we could tell that they were definitely going to attempt to cut in. It wasn't until a couple more of their buddies showed up that they cut right in front of us to welcome their new friends. In all honesty, I was pissed.

Bex, Laura, and I contemplated confronting them, but we all chickened out. There were now five huge black guys in front of us - three little white girls. What could we do really? A few times I found myself almost saying something to them, but in the last second, changed my mind. I was honestly afraid that they would hurt me in some way and even considered them having a gun on them. I actually felt ashamed for thinking that.

Why was it that I thought they could potentially have a weapon? Because they're guys? Because they're big? Or because they're black? If they had looked like a lot of the other guys lining up that night: skinny white "clubber" guys, I probably wouldn't have had as much of a problem getting the courage to confront them about cutting in front of us. But because of preconceived ideas and stereotypes, I thought these guys had weapons because they were black. I really wish that wasn't the way my thought-process runs. I wish I could have just tapped those guys on the shoulder and tell them to mosey on down to the end of the line, but I couldn't because of my fear based on stereotypes.

To make this story slighly less unfortunate, I eventually got back in front of the guys by slowly squeezing my way back in as the line moved forward. In fact, they never confronted me for cutting back in front of them. Maybe they thought I was carrying a gun...

My Story

2007-01-06T16:14:00.000-08:00

Everyone has a story.
I really want to put mine to paper.
I just need to figure out what it is.

Artist in Training

2007-01-04T09:57:00.000-08:00

Over the past year or so I've taken up drawing again. I used to really enjoy it and now I'm in that mode where I really want to improve my skills and draw realistically.

Unfortunately, I can get impatient and want my drawing to look like the photo sooner than is possible. I like looking at professional graphite portraits because they're so impressive, but when my own drawing doesn't turn out like that, I get frustrated and want to give up or start again, rather than continue working on what I've got.
I'm going to try to work on being patient with my art - we'll see where it takes me.

i am a wallflower

2007-01-02T07:40:00.000-08:00

Over the holidays, it's common to go to several different events, whether with family or with friends. I love it, but this year I've finally come to the conclusion that I much more enjoy smaller get-togethers than big parties.

With bigger crowds, I tend to blend into the wood-work a little more than usual. I find it hard to concentrate on one conversation or even to have one at all. I find I'm overwhelmed a little bit by the amount of people and miss the intimacy of a small group. Big parties are too loud, but I also find myself in awkward conversations with people that I don't really want to be talking to in the first place.

And then there's that awkward-ness I feel with big crowds, especially those containing people I'm not as familiar with. I want to be sociable - and I am a sociable person - but I find my conversational skills lacking big time.

At my family Christmas party, I watched my brother as he just talked to everyone about anything and was able to carry on an interesting conversation. I always say the same things: "I'm in my last year at university," "Yes, married life it great," "I read a lot for school." Bo-oring.

I'd really like to work on my conversational skills, especially with people that I tend not to feel as comfortable with. I want to be interesting and witty. I know I am those things - but only with certain people.

I wish I wasn't such a wallflower.

Lights

2006-12-19T09:19:00.000-08:00

Looking at the Christmas lights is one of my favourite things at Christmas. I particularily like when people put garland with white twinkle lights around their doorways; it looks beautiful. But when did decorating our front lawns become a contest to see who could make the most gaudy display? There is a house down the street from me that actually has one of those blow-up snow globes, a giant snowman, several santas, a blow-up merry-go-round, and an obscene amount of lights. All of that is displayed all bunched together on a tiny front yard. What happened to simplicity?

Freedom

2006-12-18T12:08:00.000-08:00

Sweet Liberty, I'm free.
I wrote my last exam this morning.
It feels good to be done, at least for a short while. Now I am free to ... now what?

Procrastination

2006-12-13T14:13:00.000-08:00

What is it with deadlines and the overpowering desire to do everything except for what actually needs to be done? I have watched TV shows that really don't peak my interest, spent an obscene amount of time on Facebook, have become all of a sudden interested in drawing again, cleaned my apartment (!), wrapped Christmas presents, and have actually made Christmas decorations to put on the wrapped gifts. But have I studied for my exam yet?

And you know, once all my exams are over and I am free to pursue whatever it is that I want to pursue, I'm not going to want to. All of a sudden, the interest will be gone from wanting to draw or write poetry or catch up with old friends. I'm going to complain to my husband that I'm bored. I may even look forward to going back to school after the holidays. Okay, maybe not.

Hindsight

2006-12-13T10:08:00.000-08:00

If today were yesterday, I would be using less post-it notes, highlighting less black ink, and writing nothing in my notebook. Hindsight is a beautiful thing. I should know by now that English exams do not always require extreme study time.

I'm Not A Scholar

2006-12-12T13:41:00.000-08:00

I'm not a scholar.
I'd like to think I am,
but I don't understand

Bernhard.
His sentences are too
long and by the time
I get to the end of it,
I've forgotten what it
was supposed to tell me.

I want to wear glasses
and drink coffee
from Tim Horton's
and nod in agreement
with my professor.

But I only sit and stare
at his elbow patches
wondering if he started
wearing them
because he's a professor
or because
he falls on his elbows.